MICHAEL MAYHEM's Page

YES… MY RETARDED ASS SIGNED UP
By MICHAEL MAYHEM

How can I explain...?
One day my brain collapsed and I joined the military.
O.K…It wasn’t exactly that simple, it just feels like it.
Naturally, the U.S ARMY is the first thing that comes to mind when a person thinks about the military. I didn’t know anything about the infrastructure of the ARMY. Most people don’t.
I’ve seen countless movies about the ARMY. “Black Hawk Down”, “Casualties Of War, “Private Benjamin”, “In The Army Now”, and my personal favorite “Buffalo Soldiers”. The way the media stigmatize the ARMY, it’s a wonder why any sane person would sign up.
Drill Sergeants yell in your face.
4:30 am wake up call.
Excruciating exercise
WAR…
Who would be crazy enough to enlist?
Well….More people than you’ll imagine.
Everybody has there own reason for wanting to join the military and what they expect to gain from the experience. Some people are looking for an exciting career, college money, adventure, discipline or sheer patriotism. Hopefully, this book will guide some lost souls in the right or left direction.
Keep in mind, this book is in no form or fashion a military bashing book. So all you activist and third world hippies can stop waving your fist.
This book isn’t meant to persuade people to join the ARMY either. So all those Class A wearing Recruiters probably won’t pass this book off as an ARMY pamphlet. This is just one mans experience in the worlds famous U.S ARMY.
Before I made my final decision to join the military, I searched high and low for information about the real life in the ARMY. Even the almighty Internet couldn’t offer the unbiased opinion I needed to make my own assessment of the ARMY experience.
If you ever ask a person that’s been in the ARMY about their military career; the Soldier with the honorable discharge might tell you, “The ARMY made a man out of me”. If you ask the same question to the Soldier with the dis-honorable discharge, they might say “Fuck the ARMY, It was the worst experience of my life.”
And sometimes the answer is vice-versa.
Unfortunately, I didn’t know any active duty Soldiers at the time. So I did the next best thing; My Retarded Ass Signed Up. I went into the ARMY blind and came out with a whole new outlook.
This book isn’t top secret information or classified data. Just the facts vs. the myths about the enigma of the infamous Green Machine we Americans call the U.S ARMY. Along with the sexcapades of a renegade Soldier.
So Fall In! Sound Off! And Let’s Roll…!!



YES…MY RETARDED ASS SIGNED UP
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