Writing tips on the web

[Shelagh Watkins]

Before I set up this new board, I decided to do a search on the 'net -- well I would, wouldn't I? I'm a researcher. I Google therfore I am -- a researcher that is.

So, what did I find? The first website I visited was full of tips that I didn't find particularly helpful. With the emphasis on particularly. I hadn't read many of the tips when I came across this about avoiding using too many adverbs:

Be particularly wary of words ending with -ly.

It made me laugh, but it also made me stop reading further. I decided I would start a thread instead and see if anyone else had any useful tips or insights into the art of writing.

Tell me more, I'm always on the lookout for new ideas, and I don't mind stealing yours. LOL!

~Shelagh

[Jay Saunders]

I like that -ly line... 'Coz it's true!

My tip... Don't use brackets in plays or tags in prose to tell people how dialogue is delivered. e.g.

"Leave me alone" said Julie angrily.

Write an angry line intead. Show me, don't tell me.

(See how that -ly thing falls true)

Oh, and if there are any other playwrights out there, if you do the bracket thing in your sripts... Stop it now! It the most common cause for script rejection.

[Shelagh Watkins]

Sometimes it is difficult to show rather than tell. I can think of ways of expressing anger in dialogue, but if Julie had spoken softly or loudly or adamantly, I would find that much more difficult to express. I don't think that "Julie said in a soft/loud voice" is better than "Jane said softly/loudly" and fewer words -- even including adverbs ending in ly -- are often preferably to lengthy, unnecessary description.

I put brackets round "even including adverbs ending in ly" then went back and changed them! I noticed you left yours in. Just as well we are not writing scripts! LOL!

I have loads of questions about writing scripts!

[Shelagh Watkins]

See how these ly words creep in! It's over a month since I wrote this and only now do I see preferably -- probably because I am busy editing The Power of Persuasion! LOL!

[Ron Kruger]

Great forum, Shelagh.
Even though I don't write scripts, I tend to agree with Jay about using "ly." I think it is a cousin to using exclamation points. Looks lazy. The best dialog, I believe, comes from characters so distinctive, no attribution or lys are necessary.
However, the most common problem I find is not using "ly" in narrative. This is a most common grammatical error in normal speech, and it often makes it into print as well. I usually find them in my own writing, if I read slow (ly).

[Zada Connaway]

I wish people were more careful with understanding when to make words contractions or when they are possessives! Their as opposed to they're (and even there), your and you're are the best examples I can come up with right now. It is most distracting to a reader to come across these errors, and I am seeing more and more of this happening. Or am I just reading more?

[Shelagh Watkins]

You will see these mistakes often on forums. People type words as they sound without checking the spelling. Its and it's is another example that is often seen. There's also a growing trend to do away with the possessive apostrophe altogether: Harrods, Boots, Debenhams have all lost their apostrophes and even Antonia Fraser decided to leave out the possessive apostrophe after Fawkes in her new book The Gunpowder Plot.

[Mary J. Dressel]

Not using your and you're is my biggest pet peeve!

[Susan Whitfield]

You're right, Zada. I see more and more of this in my readings as well. It gives me a jerk.

[Marta Stephens]

Shelagh,

Recently I received a critique I didn't agree with on a chapter (that seldom happens. I love feedback on my work), but being the type of person who always questins herself first, I decided to get out my reference books and check things out. I also spoke with a few trusted folks I know, including a college English prof. I came up with this list as a self help list to use as I give my novel a final polish read. Some items are based on my publisher's guidelines and I don't expect everyone to agree with all of this. But, nearly all that is listed was referenced in more than one source (listed). So, if you don't mind a lengthy post, here goes.

When I began to write fiction, I sponged up all I could about the craft as quickly others were willing to impart their knowledge. Since then, I’ve weeded through the do’s and the don’ts and picked up a few other tips that have helped to strengthen my prose. I’m no expert. For me, learning is a life-long adventure, and I look forward to adding your tips to my list!

My Tip List:

Don't depend on Spell Check. Get out your dictionary and thesaurus and use them.

Nothing done to excess is good. We can't take all the "had," "that," and "ing" words out of our writing and expect it to make sense or flow well. Certain words should and can be avoided, but to arbitrarily cut all of the supposed “no-no” words is just as bad as their over-use. The same goes for long stretches of narration or dialogue. If you over-do either of these, you’ll either exhaust your reader or put them to sleep.

Pace: Dialogue speeds the action, narration slows it. Tense scenes call for short/abrupt, snappy dialogue. After such a scene, give the reader a breather by slowing things down with some brief narration.

Passive: the subject of the sentence is acted upon by something else. “The bread was made by the baker.”

Active revision: “The baker made the bread.”

Past tense: when an action or occurrence happened in the past. “He went to the store three hours ago.”

“Rule” on using “had.” After reading up on the subject and talking to several informed sources (including English professors) I’ve concluded that, aside from the grammatical use of “had/has” in perfect past tense, my ear must judge how often to use “had” in a sentence before switching to an active past tense.

Example #1: "When Tom was young, he had overheard unsettling talk of the war. His father had served, but he had never admitted or denied killing another."

Granted, this is exaggerated, but technically there's nothing wrong with this sentence. All the events mentioned took place in the past. It is, however, cumbersome and all the "hads" make it redundant.

Revised Example #1: "When Tom was young, he overheard unsettling talk of the war. His father had served, but he never admitted or denied killing another."

So here's the unspoken “had” rule as I understand it:

1. If the sentence makes it clear that the event happened in the past without using the word “had,” remove it.
2. Leave “had” in if its removal changes the meaning of the sentence.

Example #2: She reached for the small clay bowl from the kitchen table containing a mix of local herbs and other untold ingredients she had crushed into a near-powder consistency.
In this sentence, “she had” indicates an action taken by the character.

Edited Example #2: She reached for the small clay bowl from the kitchen table containing a mix of local herbs and other untold ingredients crushed into a near-powder consistency.
To remove “she had” from the sentences makes it clear the herbs were crushed, but it doesn’t show who crushed them. Since the character isn’t involved in the action, the reader would have to assume the herbs and other untold ingredients were 1) previously crusted by someone, or 2) purchased in the crushed form.

Both examples #2s are technically correct. However, this sentence is from my work in progress and the woman is a healer and engages in voodoo. For the sake of the scene, it's critical for the reader to understand that she is the one who made the concoction. In this case, #1 is the better choice.

Still confused? Here are a few good grammar links:
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/grammar/tenses.html
http://www.englishpage.com/verbpage/pastperfect.html

“The” in front of a noun: Eliminate “the” when it precedes a noun that could stand alone. Example: “The beams of portable spotlights shone like beacons on the beach below.” Can be changed to: “Beams of portable spotlights shone like beacons on the beach below.”

Tags & Beats
Tags: Stick to “said” and always place the tag after the noun or pronoun.
To use anything other than “said” distracts the reader (“said” is invisible). Words such as growled, barked, scoffed tell the reader how the character spoke rather than show it through the dialogue and action.

Example #1: “What difference does it make that she’s gone?” John growled.

Example #2: “What difference does it make that she’s gone?” John said as he slammed the door.

Beats: Beats are a great alternative to tags. They show action and emotion. Here’s the same sentence using a beat instead of a tag.

Example: “What difference does it make that she’s gone?” John yanked open her closet door, grabbed her clothes, and threw them out the window.

The “it” word. If not used correctly, “it” can lose the reader’s focus. Be certain “it” refers back to a noun just previously mentioned. If another noun is used between “it” and the noun it refers to, you'll lose your reader.

Example: “The dog chased after a ball into the street. It was hit by a car.” What was hit? The dog or the ball?

A few words to avoid in narration: That, just, however, therefore, thus, thusly, very, really, suddenly, obviously (if it is obvious, don’t tell--show it).

Anything goes in dialogue: A character can say anything he or she wants including all the words we avoid in the narrative and clichés as long as the author establishes those words in the character’s speech as part of his characterization. The same goes for speech patterns and odd words.

Don’t state the obvious: Near-miss and mid-air collision. If it’s a “near-miss” it didn’t happen. And where else would airplanes in flight collide? Another thing that falls under this category is to not summarize the action. If the scene is written properly and effectively shows the action, don’t summarize what just happened in a subsequent narrative. Doing so talks down to the reader.

Repetition of words or phrases: Look for repeated words within the same sentence, paragraph or in close proximity to one another on a page. Use your thesaurus to find unique words that will add spark to your writing.

Ellipsis: Shows a pause. Three periods with a space after the word it follows and the word it precedes to show a pause or hesitation.
“I can’t remember what … I’ll have to think about it.”

Three periods with a space after the word it follows to show a pause or hesitation at the end of a sentence.
“I can’t remember what …”

Em Dashes: Shows an interruption or show emphasis. Construct the em dash by striking the hyphen key twice with no space between the hyphens and no space before or after the words the em dash separates.

To show interrupted speech:
“You can’t pin the murder on me. You have no—”
“I have your fingerprints.”

For emphasis: “You must attend the meeting on time—no exceptions.”

Advice from Browne & King’s, “Self-Editing for Fiction Writers.”

Show don't tell: How to catch yourself telling. (Page 16)

“...telling your readers about your characters’ emotions is not the best way to get your readers involved. Far better to show why your characters feel the way they do. Instead of saying, "Amanda took one look at the hotel room and recoiled in disgust." describe the room in such a way that the readers feel that disgust for themselves."

The “as” and “ing” construction:
Browne & King (Page 193): "One easy way to make your writing seem more sophisticated is to avoid two stylistic constructions that are common to hack writers, namely:
'Pulling off her gloves, she turned to face him.'
and
'As she pulled off her gloves, she turned to face him.’

Both the “as” construction and the “-ing” construction as used above are grammatically correct and express the action clearly and unambiguously. But notice that both of these constructions take a bit of action ("She pulled off her gloves") and tuck it away into a dependent clause (Pulling off her gloves...") tends to place some of your action at one removed from your reader, to make the actions seem incidental, unimportant. If you use these constructions often, you weaken your writing.

Another reason to avoid the “as” and “-ing” construction is that they can give rise to physical impossibilities." (i.e.: "Disappearing into my tent, I changed into fresh jeans." The ing construction forced simultaneity on two actions that can't be simultaneous."

Words ending in “ly” Replace “ly” verb with action verbs. Instead of: “He angrily punched the pillow.” which tells the reader how he punched it (but in my opinion not to what degree of anger), try: “He slammed a fist into the pillow.”

"Self-Editing..." (Page 196)
"Chances are, as you bang out your first draft, you use the first verbs that come to mind--verbs that are commonplace and comfortable, verbs you don't have to dig too deep to find. Set, for instance, as in:

"She set the cup and saucer on the kitchen table."

Then, since set doesn't really convey what you want, you find the extra nuance you need in an adjective, tack on an -ly to make an adverb, and hook it to the verb. ...when you use a weak verb and an adverb to do the work of one strong verb, you dilute your writing and rob it of its potential power."

***

I’m sure I’ll keep adding to this list, but it’s a start.

[Zada Connaway]

That is a great list Marta. If I may, I think I should like to do a copy and paste of it to print out for reference, to keep by my computer.

[Marta Stephens]

By all means, Zada!! The "had" thing has always been a hurdle for me but I think I finally understand it. Now if I could just figure out the lie, lay laid, lain thing. THAT I'll never "get." LOL Maybe someone can explain in it to me so can add it to my list.

Seriously, if you don't have a copy of "Self-Editing for Fiction Writers" by Browne and King, do get it. It's a tremendous resource.

[Shelagh Watkins]

Hi Marta,

I agree with Zada -- that is a great list! You could check out this web site for lie, lay and lain:

http://web.ku.edu/~edit/lie.html